101 Terrible Puns That Are Good at Being Bad

These best puns are so terrible, they’re actually good! Our list of terrible puns are so bad they tear up the paper they’re written on. Go on and cry ‘em.

Terrible Puns That Drive Us To Tears

1. Paper puns have got to be the most tear-able of them all!
2. The best time on a clock is 6:30. Hands down. 
3. Two silkworms entered a race. But it ended in a tie. 
4. Committing a crime in an elevator is just wrong on so many levels. 
5. I wasn’t planning on getting a brain transplant. But then I changed my mind. 
6. Stairs can’t be trusted. They’re always up to something. 
7. If you think about it, whiteboards are re-markable!

Terrible Puns With A Funny After-Taste

1. Becoming a vegetarian was my biggest missed steak. 
2. I wrote a song about a tortilla. Actually, it was more of a wrap. 
3. Hamburgers only ever hit the gym to get better buns. 
4. Cheese that ain’t yours is called nacho cheese. 
5. I made a mistake going to a seafood dance last week. I pulled a mussel. 
6. The only reason the apricot asked the prune to dinner was because he couldn’t find a date. 
7. My friend quit her job at the donut factory. She got fed up with the hole business. 
8. The tomato blushed when it saw the salad dressing. 
9. Eating a watch is very time-consuming. 
10. The French enjoy eating snails because they hate fast food. 
11. The Chinese restaurant down the road got vandalized. It was an act of wonton destruction. 
12. To a cannibal, eating a clown will always taste funny. 
13. Fungi needs as mushroom to grow as possible. 
14.  A pampered cow will always give you spoilt milk. 
15. Spotting a nosy pepper is easy. It gets jalapeno business. 
16. She said she recognized me from the vegetable store, but I’d never met herbivore. 
17. The old jokes about German sausage really are the wurst. 
18. The only reason I’m still going to my job at the bakery is because I kneed the dough. 
19. A steak pun is a rare medium well done. 
20. Someone added more dirt to my vegetable garden. The plot thickens!
21. Moses makes great coffee. Hebrews it. 

Dead-Pun One Liners

1. What did the hamburger name its baby? Patty!
2. Why was the baby ant so confused? Because all his uncles were ants.
3. How did the painting end up in jail? It was framed. 
4. I’m not allowed to drink coffee anymore. My parents have threatened to ground me. 
5. Someone stole all my ugly lamps. I’m so de-lighted. 
6. What’s every soccer player’s least favorite beverage? Penal-tea. 
7. Did you hear about the two egotists who started a fight? It was an I for an I!
8. Bad puns – it’s how eye roll!
9. What do you call a psychic with a few extra pounds? A four-chin teller. 
10. Did you hear about the kidnapping at the school? He eventually woke up. 
11. Why did the cat hit paws on going to the vet? Because he was feline fine. 
12. I just discovered I’m actually color blind. The news came completely out of the green. 
13. My ex-wife still misses me. But I’m afraid her aim is starting to improve!
14. Why was the cookie so sad? Because his dad was a wafer long!
15. What did the sushi say to the bee? Wasa’bee!
16. Coffee has a tough time at our house. It gets mugged every morning. 
17. Why don’t ducks ever pay for lipstick? Because they’re always putting it on their bills. 
18. Thinking about burial plots isn’t pleasant. It’s the last thing any body needs. 
19. Why did the bicycle keep toppling over? It was two tired to stand on its own. 
20. Why do colds make such bad robbers? Because they’re so easy to catch. 

Terrible Puns To Cringe By

1. What’s the best way to make a tissue dance? By putting a little boogey in it.
2. How do you make holy water? By boiling the hell out of it. 
3. Why did the loan shark refuse to donate something to charity? Because he’s so shellfish. 
4. How can you tell when a clock is hungry? When it goes back four seconds. 
5. What’s a Buddhist’s favorite kind of pizza? One with everything. 
6. Why do ghosts prefer elevators to stairs? Because elevators lift their spirits. 
7. When is a door not a door? When it’s actually ajar. 
8. What’s the best thing to give to a sick lemon? Lemon aid.
9. Why are math books always so sad? Because they have so many problems. 
10. Did you hear about the company making glass coffins? Whether they’ll sell remains to be seen. 

These Terrible Puns Are Bad Jobs

1. The cross-eyed teacher failed to control his pupils. 
2. Chemists know that alcohol is always a solution.
3. I work at a restaurant called Karma. There’s not a menu in sight – you simply get what you deserve. 
4. I lost my job at the bank. A man asked me to check his balance, so I pushed him over. 
5. I only have bad puns about unemployed people. None of them work. 
6. The tennis coach said he wondered why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger. Until it hit him. 
7. Need a guy to build an ark? I Noah guy. 
8. The factory worker was baffled when the foin machine suddenly stopped working. It didn’t make any cents. 
9. I may not be a doctor, but I sure am losing my patients!
10. The fisherman only bought the boat because it was for sail. 
11. The best attire for a lawyer is a lawsuit. 
12. The psychic lost her job. She says she never saw it coming. 
13. I eventually quit my job at Nike. I just couldn’t do it anymore. 
14. I’m actually aspirin’ to be a chemist. 
15. The guy at the stationery store quit his job. He said he felt he wasn’t going anywhere. 
16. Working at a muffler factory is a very exhausting job. 
17. The tailor says he wasn’t suited for his career. It was just such a so-so job. 
18. Telemarketing has never been my calling. 
19. I didn’t think much of my job as a waiter. But at least I got to put food on the table. 
20. I worked as a postman until I got the sack. 

Terrible Puns Good At Being Bad

1. Getting cremated was my last hope for getting a smoking hot body. 
2. Geology may rock, but Geography is where it’s actually at!
3. He stole my mood ring. I dunno how I feel about that!
4. Most puns about the wind blow. 
5. Frogs are always happy because they eat what bugs them. 
6. Trains should not be trusted. They have lo-co-motives. 
7. I may drink brake fluid, but I can stop anytime!
8. Dyslexic drunkards are always walking into bras. 
9. When invisible men marry invisible women, the kids are generally not much to look at. 
10. Bowling is right up my alley. 
11. The guy who invented lozenges died last week. There was no coffin at his funeral. 
12. Insect puns really bug me!

Terrible Puns So Corny They’re Popcorn

1. What did the prescriptivist owl say? Whom Whom. 
2. Why do so many people dislike Russian dolls? Because they’re so full of themselves!
3. Did you hear about those new corduroy pillowcases? You should have – they’re really making headlines!
4. Do you know sign language? It’s pretty handy. 
5. Why do teenage girls typically travel in odd numbers? Because they just can’t even. 
6. Did you hear about the banker who suddenly left his job? He just lost interest. 
7. Did you hear about the guy who fell into an upholstery machine? He’s fully recovered now. 
8. Did you hear about the woman who jumped off a bridge in Paris? She was in Seine. 
9. What’s it called when a cat wins first place in a race for dogs? A cat-has-trophy!
10. Did you hear? The inventor of the Knock-Knock joke got a no-bell prize. 
11. What’s the best course of action if you’re attacked by a group of clowns? To go for the juggler. 

We hope you’ve gagged enough of our terrible puns. Now be sure to go forth and amuse your mates in return!