101 Horse Puns That’ll Put a Trot in Your Step

We’re not horsing about when we tell you our 101 horse puns are 100% thoroughbred! So quit foaling about and get cracking out the gate.  

These Puns Are Horsing About

1. Why did the mare do to annoy the stallion? She refused to rein it in with the gossip even after he warned her that she would stirrup trouble. 
2. What did the mare say to the stallion? Get off your high horse!
3. Who were the two most notorious horse criminals that ever lived? Bonnie and Clydesdale. 
4. Why did the horse arrive late to the show? He didn’t care for the opening act and only wanted to see the mane event. 
5. Why was the horse unhappy about his promotion? Because he’s now been saddled with more responsibility than before. 
6. Why is the horse a hard worker? Because he enjoys being financially stable. 
7. What’s a horse’s favorite song? Watch me whip… watch me neigh, neigh. 
8. What did the stallion say to his mischievous son? Come on kid, knock off all that foaling about!
9. What’s a horse’s favorite condiment? Mayo-neighs. 
10. What’s a horse’s favorite wine? Chardon-hay. 
11. How did the stallion ask his girlfriend to marry him? Will you marry me? Yay or neigh?
12. What did the old horse say after he fell down? Please help, I’ve fallen and can’t seem to manage to giddy-up.

Punny Dark Horse Puns

1. He’s so foal of himself!
2. I foal as if you don’t care about me.
3. Foal the burn, baby, foal the burn!
4. You can’t believe a word he neighs – he’s forever crying foal!
5. He’s a real foal-mouthed character. 
6. The police are suspecting foal play.
7. He crashed his car because he foal asleep behind the wheel. 
8. He robbed the bank in one foal swoop.
9. He’s a dark horse and a bit mentally unstable at the moment. 
10. He’s pranged his car, so he’ll have to hoof it home. 
11. Hoofinished the last of the ice cream? 
12. He said he would not marry her because she’s a real nightmare. 
13. Many are colt, but few are chosen.
14. The truth of the stallion’s testimony was colt into question by the jury.
15. The policeman said his blood ran colt at the scene of the crime.
16. Some people believe all religions to be colts. 
17. Not all fillies are from Phillie. 
18. The field outside his stable is over-groan because he’s too lazy to cut the grass.
19. His accounts have been Friesian for the duration of the investigation.
20. The judge took a colt, hard look at the case before him. 
21. Your reckoning will come – by fair means or foul!

Horse Puns Overherd Somewhere

1. She lives just pasture house on the left side of the street.
2. It’s long pasture bedtime!
3. She fled as fast as her little legs cud carry her.
4. My homework is so easy that I cud do it in my sleep. 
5. I married my better hoof. 
6. The young foul passed her A-levels with mare-it. 
7. I overherd those two horses speaking about the unstable conditions of the plumbing in their neighborhood. 
8. Although still a bit filly, she’s an expert in her field. 
9. I don’t recall meeting herbivore. 
10. The young foul got into trouble for using a pruminant marker on the whiteboard.
11. The stallion hasn’t a ruminant of pride left after gossiping about the mares with his neighbor. 
12. We’d best hit the hay before it gets too late. 
13. Don’t forget – you herd it all here first!
14. He said that being in love with her felt like foaling under a spell.
15. It’s natural to be a little horse when trying to get over a colt. 
16. The mare bought new bedding because she liked the look and foal of it.
17. The stallion charged foal-throttle in the direction of home.
18. The young mare said she liked foal-bodied coffee.
19. The stallion has yet to find a wife because he’s so foal of beans!
20. It’s difficult to eat on a foal stomach. 

Did You Ear? Horse Puns

1. Did you hear about the racehorse who refused to eat his sandwich? It wasn’t made of thoroughbred. 
2. Did you hear about the pony who couldn’t sing? He was just a little horse. 
3. Did you hear about the sad horse? His story was a tale of “whoa!”. 
4. Did you hear about the horse who walked into a bar? The barman said “hey”, to which the horse responded, “yes please!”.
5. Did you hear about the cowboy that got sick from riding wild horses? He contracted bronco-hitis. 
6. Did you hear about the man who went to stand behind his horse? He hoped to get a kick out of it. 
7. Did you hear about the horse who could swim underwater? It was a seahorse. 
8. Did you hear about the man who named his racehorse Bad News? Bad news travels fast. 
9. Did you hear about the horse that’s travelled the world? Now everyone calls him a globe-trotter. 
10. Did you hear about the lady who had to close down her riding school? Business kept falling off. 

Punny Tails About Horses

1. How can you tell if a horse has a negative attitude about life? He’s constantly saying “neigh”.
2. What’s the best way to hire a horse? By putting a brick under each hoof.
3. I placed a bet on a horse to come in at 10 to 1. It did, but unfortunately all the others came in at midday.
4. What do you call a horse that hasn’t lost a race in years? A sherbet. 
5. Why did the man not bet on a sherbet horse called Cigarette? He hadn’t the money tobacca. 
6. What’s the slowest horse in the world called? A clothes horse.
7. Where do newlywed horses usually stay when on honeymoon? In the bridle suite. 
8. What is the hardest thing about learning to ride a horse? The ground.
9. Yay or neigh? That is equestrian. 
10. Why did the mare go to the doctor? She had a terrible case of hay fever. 
11. Whether the glass is hoof full or hoof empty is the ultimate filly-sophical question. 
12. Most female horses would love a trip to A-mare-ica. 
13. A colt shower is a great way to cool any hot horse down.
14. The call-center filly resigned because she hated colt-calling. 
15. He had no sympathy and gave me the colt shoulder. 
16. Pasta isn’t American – it’s Stallion. 
17. Hoofeels hungry?
18. Do stop me if you’ve herd this pun!
19. When hoarse you can be led to water, but not made to have a drink.
20. Finding gold in that town is as rare as rocking horse droppings!

Horse Puns That Won’t Bolt The Stable

1. I need to foal-fill my obligations.
2. The door to the barn seems unstable. 
3. I’m trying to express my feelings without sounding too clinch-neigh.
4. Quit horsing about!
5. I would just love to cud-dle with you.
6. I’ll feel like a real winner if you were my friend.
7. Horses get a fright when the stables have turned.
8. I’ve fallen and can’t giddy up.
9. A horse ride at night can be a night-mare.
10. A horse in salt water is a seahorse.
11. Everyone hopes for a stable economy.
12. A horse’s favorite sport is stable tennis.
13. The horse next door is the best neigh-bor.
14. Working with horses is a real stable job.
15. Always foal-ed your clean jodhpurs.
16. A horse and carriage runs on pure horsepower.
17. A sneezing horse must have hay fever!
18. Horses need a blanket in winter, otherwise their friesian.

You herd it here first! Now be neighborly and share these horse puns with your stable of friends.