101 Wine Puns That Are Real Corkers

Our list of 101 wine puns will leave you pining – or is that punning? – for more! They’re so good they’re intoxicating. 

These Wine Puns Are The Fizzle

1. Wine if you must. It’s no good bottling up your emotions!
2. Some people like beer goggles. I prefer wine glasses.
3. Always remember to stop and smell the Rose.
4. They knew I wanted champagne without me saying so. It was chilling.
5. Happy hour is at wine o’clock.
6. I’m not old. I’m aged to perfection. Plus – I’m full bodied.
7. The problem with collecting fine and expensive wine is that you always end up getting screwed.
8. There’s a hair in my wine. These grapes must have been fur-mented.
9. I hear you like wine, too. I’ve always believed that grape minds think alike.
10. Christmas is the most wine-derful time of the year.
11. I make pour decisions when under the influence!
12. Every raisin is a tragic tale of a grape that could have been wine.
13. Sometimes, I write, “drink wine” on my to-do list. It’s so I can feel as if I’ve accomplished something.
14. Hakuna Moscato. It means “drink wine”.
15. Sip happens.
16. Love the wine you’re with.
17. Oh, sweet child of wine.
18. Rose was really good at playing the Claret–net.
19. You may be smart, but you’re no Eiswein.
20. I sip my hat to you.
21. How Merlot can you go??
22. And all that Shiraz!
23. Puns about wine are never in pour taste.
24. I’m a winemaker, and my favorite dog breed by far is the Bordeaux collie.
25. “So, you like Merlot, Tammy?”. “Yeah, but you don’t pronounce the ‘T’”. Okay, *looks at waiter* two Merlot for me and Ammy.

Did You Year? Wine Puns

1. Did you hear about the mafia family that took over a wine importing business? They call themselves the Sip-ranos!
2. What type of wine is notorious for making you drowsy? Sauvign-yawn blanc!
3. Did you hear about the little grape who didn’t want to become wine? He had no choice in the matter and was pressed into service!
4. Why did the wine taster insist on drinking from an old tire? He heard it was a Goodyear!
5. What kind of wine do traffic cops like best? Fine wine!
6. Do librarians like white wine? No, they like theirs well red!
7. What did the grape say when the hippo stood on it? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
8. What do you call a wine hangover? The grape depression.
9. What’s the ultimate secret to enjoying a fine bottle of wine? Open the bottle to let the wine breathe. If it doesn’t look like it’s breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth.
10. What should be the first thing on any wine lover’s bucket list? To fill the bucket with wine.
11. Why do grandparents love wine so much? Because at their age, they need glasses!
12. Why do people love wine puns so much? Because they’re grape!
13. Where does wine catch up on all the vineyard dirt? Through the grapevine.
14. Why did Wonder Woman rescue the Wine? Because that’s what grape lady superheroes do!
15. Why was the white wine’s off-beat pun so boo-ed? Because it was too corky.
16. Why did Mrs. Grape run away from home? She was tired of riesling a family.
17. If you were 8 years old when “Red, Red Wine” was released, how old will you be now? UB40.
18. Can I think of any red wine puns? You bet shiraz I can.
19. How do you make a sauvignon blanc bottle open up to you? First of all, you’ll have to uncork it. 
20. How does James Bond like wine? Swirled, not stirred.
21. What did the wine bottle yell when he jumped into the pool? Bottoms up!
22. Why did the cheese and wine become such good friends? Because they pair well.
23. How can you tell which of the wine tasters is visiting a place for the first time? By the Blanc look on their faces.
24. Why were there so many complaints about the service at the banquet? Because the server of the wine did a pour job.
25. What is purple and long? The grape wall of China.

These Wine Puns Are Di-Wine!

1. What is a woman’s idea of a balanced diet? A glass of wine in each hand.
2. Why do women take baths to relax? Because it’s too hard to drink wine in the shower.
3. What do sailors drink when they gather at a tavern to commiserate? Port wine.
4. Which sport team does nearly all wine lovers root for? The Reds.
5. How did the vineyard launch the new champagne business? They crashed a small boat into it.
6. Why do wine lovers guzzle down vine humor? Because puns about wine are a real barrel of laughs. 
7. Why do we enjoy wine jokes? Because they’re de-vine!
8. How do you decide how much wine to drink? Best is to take it on a case-by-case basis.

Pick Of The Bunch Wine Puns

1. I’ve saved you a Blanc space.
2. Come say merlot!
3. You’re the wine!
4. You’re wine in a million.
5. Sip next to me.
6. Say you’ll be wine?
7. Love the wine you’re with.
8. Another glass? Wine not?
9. When you’re in love, it’s always wine o’clock.
10. My favorite snack is red and butter.
11. Everything happens for a riesling. 
12. I love exercise. In fact, I enjoy anything fizz-ical.
13. I feel like I’m wining!

Wine Puns For The Road

1. I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even add some to the food I’m preparing.
2. Her and I are partners in wine.
3. Wine Lovers Rhyme: A friend of wine is a friend of mine!
4. Wine puns. They’re never in pour taste.
5. A truck carrying oil crashed into a truck carrying red wine vinegar inside of a nudist camp. First responders reported that everyone nearby was well dressed.
6. I’ve been told that red wine compliments a steak. But so far, my glass hasn’t said anything nice at all about the prime cut I prepared. 
7. My wife gets really mad at me when I mess with her red wine. I added some Sprite and oranges, and now she’s sangria than ever.
8. Wine a little – but laugh a lot.
9. Once upon a wine.
10. Back that glass up.
11. Feeling grape!
12. Don’t hang around booze hounds, They’re wine-y dogs!
13. Sips about to go down!
14. Alcohol you later.
15. I’m not one to complain. I honestly prefer to wine.
16. My favorite holiday is Hallo-wine.
17. The refined puppy joined the K-wine Squad.
18. Wine improves with age. I improve with wine.
19. It’s funny how 8 glasses of water a day seems impossible, but 8 glasses of wine are a sign of a good meal.
20. Don’t ask me why I love wine. I have my rieslings.
21. I’m a wine enthusiast. The more wine I drink, the more enthusiastic I get.
22. I drank so much wine last night that when I walked across the dance floor to get another glass, I won the dance competition.

A Wine Pun For Every Occasion

1. Wine flies when you’re having fun!
2. He said his non-alcoholic wine was delicious, I said he had no proof.
3. If you can drink away your hurts, it must have been champagne.
4. My friend fell asleep at the bar, so I poured my ale on him to wake him up. It was a brewed awakening.
5. The past, present and future walked into a bar. It was tense.
6. I was having wine with my wife when she said, “I love you so much, you know. I don’t know how I could ever live without you.” I said, “Is that you or the wine talking?” She said “It’s me. Talking to the wine.”
7. I enjoy a glass of wine each night for the health benefits. The other glasses are for my witty comebacks and my flawless dance moves.
8. Did you know that wine doesn’t make you fat? It makes you lean… against tables, walls, and sometimes even other people! 

Be sure to share your favorites from our list of wine puns with your pals. They’re so good, nobody would even dare tell you to put a cork in it!